Today we’re going to talk about a really important F word. And no - it’s not the one you're thinking of right now. It’s FORGIVENESS.
Forgiveness work is an incredibly powerful tool that can help you change your life. Forgiveness work can speed up your manifestations, especially when you're trying to manifest more abundance and more money. Forgiveness work can help you feel more free and joyful and bring more energy into your life.
Misconceptions of Forgiveness
In today’s world forgiveness is completely misunderstood and underrated. What I see a lot is the misconception that forgiveness means you excuse the other person’s behaviour or forget what has happened (is that even possible?). Forgiveness is not reconciliation with the other person who has offended or hurt you. Forgiveness does not mean erasing of the wrongdoing of the other person. Forgiving someone does not mean you ever need to speak to them ever again and it certainly does not mean that you have to keep them in your life if they are toxic.
For a long time I thought that forgiving other people for what they did would make me seem weak because I had heard the phrase Forgiveness is weakness so many times. It wasn't until a decade later when I was battling several health conditions, my body was in constant fight or flight mode, I was stressed out and felt worthless, that I really dove deep into self-development and I had my spiritual awakening that I realized that that couldn't be further from the truth. I realized that by me not forgiving and holding onto grudges actually affected my life and did me way more harm than any good. It wasn't until I forgave some really traumatic experiences from my childhood, forgave the other persons involved and forgave myself that I was able to feel truly free. And today I would much rather choose to live in peace and feel free rather than constantly carrying a weight holding me down by me holding onto grudges. Forgiveness requires inner strength.
What is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness means making the conscious decision to release negative emotions such as resentment and anger toward a person who has hurt you in the past. You can also forgive yourself for that matter. Forgiveness simply means that you consciously choose to free yourself of the negative energies attached to the other person, not for them but for the sake of your own well-being. Forgiveness means releasing the junk that previously clogged your system. You can forgive someone and still seek justice.
Forgiveness is something that happens on the inside, in silence, and it's your own personal journey. Forgiveness doesn’t require you to tell the other persons that you’ve forgiven them - but they will most likely feel an energetic shift from you forgiving them. Forgiveness is purely for yourself and for your own well-being. Forgiveness sets you free: free from the past and free from the heavy emotional baggage that you’ve been carrying around.
Why the F should I Forgive?
Forgiveness frees you from the past so that you truly can live in the present moment and it allows you to move on without the toxic baggage. And no, this is not some woo woo. Studies actually show that forgiveness work has amazing benefits, not only to your mental health but also to your physical health.
What I find controversial is that people tend to wish for a healthier and happier life, yet they are very reluctant to forgive the past and let go of toxic emotions attached to holding grudges. Not forgiving the other person is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Holding onto the past is like holding onto a heavy toxic emotional baggage, to which we give a portion of our life energy every day. When you forgive the other person you will therefore feel so much lighter and you will regain your life energy.
The thing is that holding onto grudges, hurt, pain, resentment and anger, keeps you stuck in the past. Constantly reliving the wrong that was done to you keeps your body experiencing the same negative emotions over and over again. It harms you far more than it harms the other person. Studies show that holding onto grudges and lack of forgiveness is not only mentally draining but also physically exhausting. Even recalling an event or unresolved conflict triggers toxic emotions like anger and resentment and causes the body to release stress hormones and respond in harmful ways. Over time, holding onto anger takes its toll on the body and it becomes toxic to your mental and physical well-being. The chances of getting a disease or health condition become higher. Holding grudges and anger have been linked to health conditions such as heart attacks, cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, muscle tension, stress, depression, weight gain and even cancer. When you hold onto anger or resentment towards someone that means that you give our power away to that person. Basically that other person has a hold of you, has influence over your life and how you feel.
There will constantly be events that we could choose to feel hurt or angry about, and we have all rights to feel hurt or anger. Who hasn’t been hurt by something that another person said or did? The question is, however, how long are you willing to choose to hold onto these negative emotions? You can always choose to hold onto the hurt, anger and resentment, or you can choose to embrace forgiveness and move forward in peace and joy. The choice is always yours. In the end, what other people do and say has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with them.
If you ask me, life is way too short to waste any more of your precious time and energy focusing on blaming, shaming, guilt tripping and hating other people for something they did or said. Just because of all the amazing benefits of forgiveness alone I would highly recommend incorporating it into your weekly self-care practice.
Okay got it, how do I forgive?
The first step is deciding to forgive, not for them, but for yourself. Decide that you deserve peace and joy and that your dreams are so much more important than any wrongdoings or grudges you’ve been holding onto. Then you set the intention to forgive the other person, as well as transforming your life and heal and raise your vibration to a whole new level by forgiving. There are several ways to forgive. One way to forgive is to actually face the person and talk it through with them, tell them how it made you feel. This might not always be possible or even favorable. In some occasions you might not even have the chance to get closure, but you can create closure for yourself by forgiving! The beautiful thing about forgiveness is that you actually don’t need to face that person in order to forgive them. You don’t need to have a conversation with the other person or ever even tell them that you’ve forgiven them. There are several forgiveness practices that don’t involve the other person and that you can do by yourself, e.g.
- Write a letter to the person you want to forgive / write a forgiveness letter to yourself
- Listen to a forgiveness meditation like Ho’oponopono